Sunday, October 14, 2012

On happy moments and not so happy moments

Speaking of personal narratives, check this out. I loved these stories. It's funny, I have so many similar happy moments but for some stupid reason only the negative experiences make me feel like writing, not the positive ones, though ironically I have shared one or two of my happy moments here but not so much of my unhappy moments. As I was looking at my older posts to find some examples, I realized that I do not usually share my moments of despair or anger or anguish, or yearning or other negative feelings here on this blog (I assure you, I have quite a wide range of emotions. In fact, I actively seek ways to experience them via movies and books. One exception to this rule is I don't do fear. I do not know exactly why but I think I believe I have already spent too much of my life fearing things and people and institutions that I think around the age 25 or so I was done with it. My spirit seeks more inspirational modes of suffering :-), fear is just to paralyzing to my taste).

It is not because I do not wish to share my all too human sides with you, or I want to project a professional and Mr. Spark like persona, I don't really care about that since I made peace with who I am and what I value in life, but because I consider it rude and disrespectful to you. I mean why would you visit me here and read the stories of my suffering. I'm sure you have your own to worry about. Also I think it is partly because most of my negative life moments involve other people and I do not think it would be fair to those people. If my negative moments are not about other people I'm fine with sharing them here. For example, I'm perfectly fine with sharing my emotions of homesickness and strange and intense feeling of dislocatedness and maybe even unlocatedness with you because it is not about other people. There is no one to blame and because I think graduate students and academics (maybe with the exception of academics with TT jobs) experience similar emotions and can relate. I just do not wish to write anything negative about people in my life here, especially because after a wild storm of anger or disappointment or whatever, which I experience mostly on my own by the way without even the people involved knowing the intensity of what I feel, I forgive easily and move on, I do not have a black book where I keep track of all the ills done to me and I certainly don't want my blog to turn into one. If that person changes his/her behavior and listens to what I have to say about the matter it is good enough for me. I do not really care much about apologies, the change of bad behavior is what I want. So you see, my negative emotions fade but the writing will remain here. Someone might recognize the person I refer to even if I do not give their names and judge those people based on my temporarily negative comments, or the person I talk about may read those lines and get offended. Life is too short for hurting others and seeking revenge. I'm sure you're grateful that I keep my venting private :-) But anyway, sorry this turned out to be something like confessions. My intention was just to share the link to the happy moments of these famous people's lives. Then these moments made me wonder why unhappy moments have more news value than happy ones and then I got lost in my thoughts.

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